DRESSING-UP ACCORDING TO KIKI.

Why do I dress up?

Why? The obvious reason I do is because I enjoy it! Many times I’ve called it "Creative Excitement" because I was able to get "the excitement" from looking at Kiki in the mirror. I certainly do not want to be a woman but I sure enjoy looking at Kiki when she is looking her best and/or sexiest. Many times I would see a particularly attractive gal then try to buy what she was wearing and duplicate the way she looked. In a way I always considered it a self-defense mechanism of some sort. Instead of being driven nuts by a good-looking woman and my mind saying, "I WANT A WOMAN!" when none was available, I could get dressed up and somehow-or-other satisfy myself by becoming in my mind that which turned me on. And that is not to imply that I was not able to have a good-looking woman, I’ve had my share.

Then after the initial "excitement" abates, or perhaps the next time I would get dressed, the reason for dressing changed to a challenge of how good I could look, or how well I could walk, or how fashionable I could be. The challenge could be any number of things that present a problem in acting and passing as a woman.

Then there is curiosity factor, which raises its interesting head. Can I turn a man on? What’s it like to be hit on by a man? What’s it like to dance slow with a man rather than just moving around each other about 2 feet apart? What’s it like to have date with a man? What is the female experience like?

Then there is the good feeling that comes when the "excitement" is gone or at least dormant, the curiosity is somewhat experienced, and the challenge of being able to look not only passable but to be a decent looking woman in our own eye is met. The beautiful pleasure that comes from looking and acting like an attractive woman in our own eye and becoming the very thing that attracts us.

When I’m all dressed up looking great and sexy, sometimes I’ve thought that perhaps I’m a dirty old man trapped in the body of a beautiful female. (Hee hee.)

Transgendered. What in the world does that mean? Does it mean that we are born with one gender and we want to be the other gender? In usage, it seems to mean anyone who is a cross-dresser, a transvestite, a Drag Queen, or a transsexual. Men and woman are all transgendered to various degrees and switch back and forth between many of the so-called gender characteristics of male and female every day. We don’t have the wear the clothes of the opposite sex to do it.

In the last few years medicine has come up with more information on how we are developed in the Uterus.. We all have X (female) chromosomes in our bodies, and start our lives as a female egg. The Y (male) chromosome must then try to change the egg from female to male. Some Y's do a better job than others, because of a critical gene called TDF which forms the male testes.

If the Y chromosome doesn't have enough of this gene, the testes are not formed properly and vital hormones are not sent to the brain. These hormones are needed at critical times in development to properly form the male identity. This is called "Gender Mapping" and certainly explains why some of us have more female or male characteristics than others.

However, it does not explain why some of us dress-up yet do not want to become woman, nor does it explain why some women have more male characteristics than other women and some want to become men.

I have one gender and its more male than female. I do like to imitate the female in certain ways but my basic gender is male and always will be. So I'm Transgender Imaged, or Trans Imaged. This obviously means that I want to look and act like the opposite sex rather than be the opposite sex. Transgendered seems to mean we are one sex/gender and want to become the opposite sex/gender.

Cross-dressing can become addictive. Perhaps we work as our male selves and immediately upon coming home, assuming its possible, we get dressed as a girl and it feels good and very comfortable. Then somehow or other we convince ourselves that being a female would be the answer to all our problems in life. Perhaps you have joined a support group or found support on the Internet where you can be directed to professional counseling and start hormones. The mind is an unfathomable thing and can be convinced of a lot of things that are not true as long as you want them to be true. Unless you are a guy that looks almost female to begin with and has a lot more female gender characteristics than male, forget about the operation. You’ll be much happier in the long run remaining a genetic male and dressing as a female when you want to as long as it doesn’t interfere with your survival. Survival to me means, friends, family and a job.

I have known a few guys who have gone on hormones and to shrinks and eventually had the operation. They became addicted to dressing-up and should no more have had the operation than Mike Tyson! And their so-called doctors were advising them to have the change! Criminal to say the least. I’ve also known a few who have made the transition to female reasonably well and even married. Unfortunately in one case, it meant moving away and having nothing to do with the friends that were developed over the transition years and living in fear that she will be discovered. Strangely enough, many that went through counseling, hormones and have had the operation, never had any attraction for men in the first place, never dated men while cross-dressed as near as I could tell, and after the transition, ended up having a lesbian relationship. Hey, if there're happy, more power to 'em.

But, why don’t the shrinks require that to become a female you should at least be attracted to men and as part of their transition require that they experiment in sex with men? If men do not turn them on, forget it! Go back to being a cross-dresser. Be normal as least somewhat normal. Real normal sucks.

It seems that shrinks will advice you to do almost anything as long as you want to do it bad enough regardless of its practicality.

There is a very attractive cross-dresser on the Internet who after a few years of going out in public and passing, thought he wanted to become a woman. He went to counseling, took hormones, quit his job and began living as a woman with some guy he/she was in love with. He had saved his money up for the transition and was prepared for the operation. After three months of putting on make-up, the waist cincher, and working hard to look his best every morning and also thinking that with the operation, he would never be able to have kids of his own, he quit cold turkey! Now he is happily married, living in Texas, has a couple kids, and maintains one of best sites on the WWW for the Transgendered. BTW, he only dresses occasionally now.

I don’t have gender dysphoria either. Dysphoria is an emotional state characterized by anxiety, depression and restlessness. When I get dressed-up I feel good so why is dressing up sometimes referred to as gender dysphoria? Maybe its because when you are dressed in drab, you have dysphoria and when dressed as female, you have euphoria. If that’s the case, it should be called gender euphoria/dysphoria. A better name would be just plain old gender euphoria. Euphoria: a feeling of great happiness or well being.

As far as developing my "femininity" is concerned, I certainly don’t have to get dressed up as a female to do that. I can do it every day in every way. If I’m working on my "femininity" as Kiki, I’m only trying to work on the challenge of acting female. (On the Internet it would mean looking as sexy as possible.) They say today’s woman can change between what is considered feminine to put it simply, nurturing and artistic, and masculine, being aggressive and tough, without batting an eye. I know guys who can do the same thing. So I think these so-called experts are all wet when they say we are transgendered, have gender dysphoria, or dress-up because we are developing our femininity. What we are working on is our female image.

To sum up, some of us dress up because of:

The "excitement",

The challenge,

The curiosity,

The good feeling from becoming what attracts us! (And the better you can look, the better it is.) And last but far from least,

The fantasy of being different than you really are, of being like Alice In Wonderland so to speak, going through the mirror and becoming someone else.

 

And ask yourself this question, why does an actor act? Because he enjoys being someone else for a little while! Could that be added to the list of why we dress up?

Granted, I didn't start dressing up until my mid-forties but for those that started at an early age, I believe that only some minor changes would make it fit. The basic reasons remain the same.

Transgendered should be called Transimaged.

Gender Dysphoria should be called Gender Euphoria/Dysphoria, or Gender Euphoria.

"Developing my femininity" should be called "developing my feminine image".

At least that’s the way I see it.