Compulsion to Dress, Take 2

From the Newsgroup: alt.support.crossdressing

"The compulsion to dress" and "The compulsion to masturbate while dressed"

Been doing some reading again on the net!

I have read (Now I am new as they say, so bear with me Kay) that some dress and have an urge to masturbate while dressed. That said and brushed far under the carpet; They dress, do "the thing" and remove the clothing and feel guilt. Hmm, had me thinking...

Getting dressed up is no easy task! And the "Thing" is over in a split second if memory serves me right?...LOL Then the guilt feeling sets in, and off come the clothes, and away they go with chanting words of "Never again"...or until the urge comes again? Following me?

 Ok ....

Well can I attain by getting dressed up (sometimes trashy too, I might add) and feeling the "Urge" myself?, and I am a GG , or so they call me. I sometimes do the "Thing" too because of the way I feel and look. My feelings... But then again I just spent 2 hours finding the right outfit and I have an occasion to attend in it! So it stays on. But the guilt I am just starting to understand... If I have it right, or close anyway, you feel like what your doing is wrong, silly, against every masculine urge you have and well, "you just needed to get that of your chest".....LOL and now the outfit or garment feels icky and silly..

 I can agree, a sexy number will evoke feelings of intense "urge," that’s why I call my sexy numbers my “30-minute numbers.”  

Well if it is a sexual urge with some "girls" fine, then the number has served its purpose! But if it’s more than just the urge and you just spent 1 hour getting dressed, and just messed your panties, can I offer just a little, not a lot of advice, that may release some of the "Yuck! Now I feel icky" thoughts...?

The "deed" is done and the panties are history. So change them! Don’t feelbad --I do! Now sit back down in that dress, (because you know it will be on again later) and make some tea, coffee or have a beer, and look at the beauty you have created, you are still that "big strong man" but you are also one of the few "Chosen Ones" who can appreciate the pure underlying feeling and sense of femininity, without feeling a sissy. Pick up your hot car magazine, or Glamour and enjoy the mood and the feeling. No sense in taking it off; You look damn good and you feel damn good too, right? Don’t feel “Icky" or challenged by your female side. I only wish more men would put my damn dress on and paint my nails! Feel warm, and feel you. You are, in fact, wonderful in work boots or thigh highs from Frederick’s or Anthonys men’s wear.

--But if it is a sexual thing and that’s it, as I have also read., then you know exactly what to do... don’t ya!  

Still learning :) and smiling,

     Melissa

I'm really glad this thread got started because I was sort of wondering about the same thing. I don't get to dress fully very often (usually only when the family is away). I have found that the first time I dress after not being able to do so for quite awhile, is that I get quite 'excited' and sometimes don't even make it into my complete outfit before I have to relieve myself. After my release, I usually feel guilty for two reasons. One, being the whole cross-dressing thing itself and the other, that I just wasted a prime opportunity to stay dressed (because usually with the guilt factor, I strip everything off as quickly as possible). I also find that if I do get a chance to dress again, somewhat soon, that the sexual side of things is greatly diminished. I just enjoy what I'm wearing and how I'm feeling and take pleasure in those things. These feelings are even better (in a different way) than the sexual side of things. Last time I dressed, I was able to stay dressed most of the day and went to sleep in a nice nighty. Waking up the next day, still dressed, was one of the most wonderful feelings I can remember. I don't know if I’m 'crossing' over to a new level or what but now the thought of dressing, while sexually exciting, brings a different kind of emotion with it - an emotion that's hard to describe but makes me feel feminine in a non-sexual way. Does that make any sense to any of you? Have any of you other girls experienced similar feelings?

 Still trying to sort things out...

     Danielle

Tammy,

You seem to be starting a new thread. First, I have a slightly different slant on the old one regarding “release - guilt- and changing back.” My take on it, and also my experience, is pretty much without the guilt. The release seems to also release the NEED to be dressed or the desire to be dressed. I am suggesting here that (in some cases) dressing is part of a need process that builds up. Depending on other things that I can't even guess about, that need is relieved when the physical need is satisfied. At that point, you may want to revert to your "normal" state.

The above has been the case with me on some occasions, so I am simply speculating that it could be, one of the factors here. I do know that after sex with a FAB (Female At Birth), I simply don't wish to dress or, if dressed already, I don't wish to remain dressed. Again - no guilt, just reduced desire so the guy in me takes over again. 

OK, you asked about sex with a FAB while dressed. It is absolutely INCREDIBLE!

     Shirley Ann Sometimes

>My 2 Canadian cents worth :) I say tell her and reassure her. Don’t let her worry or wonder "What’s he doing" if she has an idea... Talking to one of my friends today about cross dressers, she told me her boyfriend in high school (at 17) had a rather strong compulsion to "sneak" her nylons and various other garments home with him... She knew, but never said anything, afraid of embarrassing him and loosing her "first love" but in the rear of her mind, she wondered, "I think he might be gay(?)." An issue I now know is not the case for many "dressers."

 Okay, here's another take along that line.

 I knew that "Are you gay?" was the number one top question people were asked at their "coming out parties," but I had been married 24 years, and knew damn well that at least *that* question wasn't going to come up.  

So, when I had *the conversation* with my wife, whadya think was the first question?  

She: Are cross dressers gay?  

Me: (calmly) Well, a few are, but not most.

She: (pointedly) Are *you* gay?

Me: (slightly shocked) No.

 I think it's like this: About the only exposure the general population has to people even remotely like us is the, “in your face drag queens,” who are neither blending in nor hiding, like the rest of us. 

So of course, people think we're gay. While being gay, in itself; isn't a problem, when introduced into a heterosexual relationship, it could be devastating. So naturally they worry.  

I do think that, as Melissa said, worrying about “what might be” is worse then knowing.  

Actually, I need to do some more house cleaning in this area myself. 

    Robie

> Hi All  

>I'm new to this NG, so forgive me if this has been done to death,  but I was wondering, how many of us, have been mistakenly assumed to be Homosexual.

Society, in general, seems to have a hang up about the distinction between male/female - masculine/feminine. Men are 'Men' and women are 'Women', any blurring of that distinction causes FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt). People don't like FUD and nee understand and resolve what is causing it.  

Society teaches us for the most part, that men and women are polar opposites. When an individual starts to move towards the other side, the FUD level goes up. People tend to get very bothered by the idea of gender ambiguity, and most have a threshold as to how much they will take before the 'need to know why' kicks in. We seem to be most tolerant of women and their desire for self expression and the like. Men, on the other hand, have been prescribed a fairly rigid set of guidelines for social acceptance, clothing being one of the main ones.  

Mind you, ANY overtly feminine traits exhibited by a man will generate a similar reaction; one akin to "what's 'his' deal?" Most people cannot resolve the juxtaposition of men and feminine traits. In an attempt to resolve this dilemma, the reasoning goes something along these lines:  

1) Society tends to define individuals by their actions. Apart from physical differences, the way men and women behave is the foundation for the distinction between them. Actions are an indication of state of mind.  

2) In terms of sexual attraction, men are into women, and women into men (part of the perceived polar differences between men and women.)  

3) If a man is exhibiting traits, commonly associated with a woman, this living contradiction is resolved by the assumption that the individual is of a feminine mindset (point 1) and as such, must be attracted to men (point 2) as a result.  

Interestingly, if you exhibit some 'feminine' traits, but demonstrate (read overcompensate with) other very 'masculine' traits, people will overlook the 'confusing actions.' E.G.: as a rule, guys don't wear two earrings. Less now than in the past, a guy with two earrings was assumed to be gay. However, if the man in question were a biker (for example), it is unlikely that he would be thought to be gay.  

I have been asked (by both my father and wife) if I were gay because of my dressing. The answer is no, I am very attracted to women.  

Love and stuff,

    Donna

Melissa Vine wrote: 

> My 2 Canadian cents worth :)  I say tell her and reassure her, don’t let her worry or wonder "What’s he doing" if she has an idea...

In retrospect, as they say, hindsight is 20/20, I wish I had told my wife years earlier. Once she was reassured that our relationship was in no danger from me wanting to run away with a guy after SRS, and that all being a CD meant was that now and then I liked wearing femme clothing, (some of which fits her and she borrows .... an advantage!!!), the whole coming out turned out to be a big nothing. And to most of my friends, my real friends, not just acquaintances, it turned more into a "So what?"

>Many of us GG, and I kind of hate that acronym, think on a different level. Until we know and are reassured, just because a man is a "big strong man" and likes to wear my  nylons, doesn't mean he wants to have a "big strong man" see him in them? I don’t know, my thoughts anyways...   

Missy, this is why it is so nice having a FAB be here and to give us some thoughts from the FAB side of things. Thanks for being here!  

> But I say tell her, because if she’s anything like me, I knew where all my husbands little "secrets" were hidden (even his 24 yr. old one) and I never said. “just kept it in” and I wondered, will he tell me? He must know I know? You say the box has been moved! Well someone knows and someone knows they didn't buy this stuff.., and some one knows, someone is keeping a secret .... More disturbing than the "find" from a GG’s point of view :)

     >Melissa

Yes, they can always wonder if you are collecting femme clothing from your girlfriends ...... 

Or your victims .....  (You aren't a serial killer, are you????)

     KDM