Erin's Page

When my husband asked me to write a letter for his "Jennifer" web page, I began to inventory all that his crossdressing has meant to me, to him and to our relationship. Part of the reason it has taken so long for me to get this letter together is that I thought, God, this is going to be some long letter. I decided to tackle it in installments and try to tease apart some of the issues, so please check back, as I’ll be adding to this page on a semi-regular basis.

He let me know of his crossdressing early on in our relationship - after about one month of dating. The first thought that came to mind was, "Oh, you poor thing - to have to hide a part of yourself and carry the secret around must be a terrible weight." The next thing I thought was that he must feel very close to me and trust me to let me know of this "deep dark secret" he had been dealing with the majority of his life.

As time went on, the implications for our relationship over the long term began to set in. Quite naturally, questions started to creep into my mind. How well do I know this person? Is he sure of his sexuality? How do I react to him "en femme"? How does it make me feel? Will this raise problems with sex or sexual roles?

What I found out, as time went by, is that he is quite sure about: his sexuality (hetero), the part crossdressing plays or doesn’t play in his life, and who he really cares about and respects (himself and me!). After realizing that he is comfortable about who he is, it made it easier for me to see how I really felt. I knew that I loved him - that is, all of him and I realized that part of the whole that has made him who he is, are the feelings he is able to feel and express through crossdressing.

As far as seeing how I would feel when he is dressed, that was something that had to come with experience. I went into it with an open mind and a good dose of fun. I also knew that it was very important to him, and the two of us always try to be supportive of each other in whatever either of us is interested in.

I started by helping him with make-up. (My experience from ballet and drama club in making myself and others up certainly paid off and Mom’s make-up tips from when she was a model were a plus.) I also introduced him to the wonders of duct tape (see any cover of Cosmopolitan for the effects on cleavage). I began to feel that this could really be fun - maybe I could have a new "girlfriend" to share some of my "fave" things to do like shopping and parler un peu français!

Also, I reflected on how in my past relationships, my partner often disliked it when I wanted to act or dress "dramatic" or just wanted to do something silly. Now, I am able to express every side of me - thanks in large part to my husband, and especially to the Jennifer part of him. I hope I enable him to do the same.

Getting back to the issue of this presenting any difficulties, again, I only think that it is natural to have questions in the beginning of any relationship. I think it all comes down to trust, setting up mutually acceptable boundaries and open communication. This process comes in time and I will talk more specifically about these topics in my next installment.

Erin

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