Introduction

OB1 COLUMN
FOR GENETIC GIRLS BY GENETIC GIRLS

OB1 Column, written by Kath reprinted from the "Gender Blender", April 97

Ladies, our time has come, at long last. Our voices will be heard. If not by our husbands, at least by each other. This column is dedicated to us for the specific purpose to speak out. Every month we will have a space for us to commiserate with one another. After all, we are the long suffering wives. And not just with this cross dressing business I might add. I suppose I should first explain how this column came about: second-what a genetic girl is: and third-what the title OB1 stands for.

First, this came about due to the fact that we live with these guys and we have concerns of our own. The fellas recognize our need to express ourselves.

The best thing about the Tri-Ess organization besides giving the boys an outlet for their needs, is the fact that they recognize our needs as wives and significant others and include us. They also have the S.P.I.C.E. sector to give us information, insights, enlightenment, and help in our walk in this. The quarterly newsletter "The Sweetheart Connection" has been very valuable to me in my search for understanding. In forming the Raleigh/Durham chapter, my husband Melissa Ann, was elected to be the editor (God help us) of this forming chapters newsletter. He asked me if I would contribute. He may come to regret this request. I've never done anything like this before so you will be long suffering with me also. My apologies in advance. For 23 years I have kept quiet about "the big secret". Told no one. We joined Tri-Ess in January 97 and I had been to several meetings. There were never any wives there. I'm sure there are more like me who are dying to understand what's going on here and want to talk about it. Preferably with someone else who's been in the same situation. Obviously most of us can't talk to our friends and of course not our families, due to the subject matter. So the purpose of this column is to literally solicit wives and significant others to come be a part of our group. If you can't bring yourself to come in person, we at least have this outlet. I won't be the one writing it every time, lucky you. I'm hoping others of you will share your thoughts and feelings, and especially your concerns. I know most of us do discuss this with our spouses, but hey, let's face it, under all that make up, fake hair, and boobs, our husband lurks down there and it's just not the same thing. Sorry boys, try as you might, we're not fooled. And so girls, this will be our forum. I'm hoping we can talk together, cry on each others shoulders, have a few good laughs about all the silly little stupid things that have happened, and get serious enough if necessary to be able to help those of you that just aren't handling this whole thing very well. I realize some marriages have already failed due to this cross dressing desire in our husbands. I'm hoping we can help each other to prevent this from happening to another one of us. I've got 26 years of my life invested in my marriage so far and I'll be dammed if I can't get a grip on this. I refuse to let it destroy what we've shared. I don't have the answers and don't profess to. I'm not as open to this as some wives are and I'm not so opposed that I would walk away from my husband. I need coping skills just like the rest of you. From all I've read so far, I have come to the realization that it won't just go away. This is a part of our spouses that exists. They may be able to hide it from us, or we may choose to ignore it, but it will always remain with them. There is no "cure". We have to accept that if we are to love our husbands. And deal with it. So let's help each other OK?

Second, the genetic girl term. This is how the men refer to us. Obviously, due to genetics, we are female. Some women find this term offensive and some find it cute. I'm not sure what I think on that. Let's just say that when I'm referred to in that manner, I call them generic girls. I do realize that with our group, being part of Tri-Ess, the men are heterosexual and only want to be gg's enough to pass when out, and then back to their manly side (thank God!). So if you don't like the term, tell them so!!

Third, what OB#1 stands for. It's a loving endearment some of the guys have tagged me with. It means Opinionated Bitch #1. Don't ya just love it? To explain, we had a guest from UNCC come to one of the meetings I was attending in Charlotte. He was there doing a research paper and wanted to speak to wives to see how they felt about their husbands' cross dressing. I was the only wife present so I almost had the floor. I say almost because some of the men thought they could speak for their wife. Come on. I knew some of them were living in la la land so I spoke up, endlessly. Let's face it, they will never understand our thinking process, heck we don't half the time! Women don't always need logic, we have our own kind of logic, it makes sense to us. Needless to say, I am very outspoken and extremely opinionated.

You know, that "I am woman, hear me roar" stuff. And I'm sure you can tell by this introduction I am a wordy person. So, the next morning at breakfast, dear Beth came up with this name and at first I was a little hurt. You know, touchy moody feeling. But then it struck me funny and I gladly accepted the title. I've continually told them I am opinionated and can often be a bitch, so it stuck. But then something even funnier occurred. When Beth told his wife, she wanted to be OBToo(yes, too not two) as she states she is one also. Then my friends I speak to on the Internet wanted to be OB2,3,4 and so on. So it's been declared all wives who want the title are OB#1. We women understand sharing (except our make-up and clothes with "them"). We have got to keep a sense of humor about all this don't we? Honestly, how many times have you wanted to call the Fashion Police when your hubby has walked in the room en femme? Life is to short to be so serious all the time. This is something I have learned by going to the meetings with my Melissa. I used to cry tears of sadness over this cross dressing, I had tremendous fears. Now when I cry it's usually from laughing so hard over something they say or do. Talk about a tension reliever!

So there you have it. This is the place for us to console one another, try to help each other, and to laugh about those silly boys. If you have something you want to share or have any comments or suggestions, please write me at KathSO@Juno.com.

Trust me when I tell you how much it helps to finally be able to talk to another wife or significant other. At the next meeting, we had three wives present out of eight people. The "big secret" isn't a secret there. We had so much fun. Yes, fun. We are all so different and yet so alike. There are so many stories, all interesting. Isn't it wonderful that we are all not the same? But we share common hopes and dreams. I hope to meet more of you in the future. Sincerely, Kath