Transition Log
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Transition Log

Jenelle Rose

t the beginning of 2003 I was married and still living in “stealth mode as a crossdresser but venturing out during the day trying to sneak away without anyone seeing me but not that worried about it because I was thinking already about becoming a full-time woman and that included of course working as such and the whole nine yards.

The problem was how to tell the wife, what about the kids and what were the neighbors to think? To be sure, there were a host of problems to work out and I wasn’t sure I was going to work them out while staying in that neighborhood and in that marriage living with my children.

It was a real heartbreaker but I was realizing my life was otherwise totally out of control; that If I did nothing, I was only a shell, a zombie no good to anyone, living day to day only wishing each day to end, not really wanting to live any longer in that shell as a man.

I was desperate and in March, I made the first decision that would begin the journey to a new life and a new beginning. I chose on my own to give up anti-depressants. I made a complete life-style change and a lifestyle choice!

I began to figure out that after 5 years of therapy and anti- depressants, it wasn’t getting me anywhere. The only time I really felt happy was as Jenelle, a woman. The person I knew I really was! It wasn’t long after making this decision that I told my therapist and she noticed the change immediately when she saw me, in fact everyone had.

I was much more buoyant, much more happy and finally able to express myself as I was and no longer in hiding or in secret from a world I had always been in fear of finding out my true identity or self or couldn’t really be who I was. I could now be that person I was within. Yes, I was thrilled to be this person!

Next on the list to tell was the one who had prescribed the anti-depressants. I went to see him dressed as a woman for the first time. I told him and don’t you know, he also agreed it was a good decision and he totally understood!

In the coming months, changes came rapidly. My wife after 3 years of major discussions that had gone nowhere, finally granted my wishes for a divorce and she, not I broke the news of my Transsexual transition to one of my brothers knowing he would tell the other and of course neither of them were ready to hear the news! They did not want a sister after 45 years of having a brother! Where did this come from, they wondered?

I received calls from both and got an earful; the one said some expletives and even hung up on me but later called back to apologies. Nether however could bring them to accept the changes to me thinking –to them- that it came from out of nowhere. Of that it is not true that it came from out of nowhere, I have lived a lie all of my life and just never told him until now and I tried to explain it that way to each of them but it was no good, they were just not ready to hear it or they simply could not understand or were not going to.

Something else was going on in the background. A girl of about 30 had found my web site while surfing the Internet late one night and intrigued by men in skirts, she decided to write me a letter in which I replied.

Well before long through subsequent email, phone calls, chats and other communications we decided we would get together and meet, somewhere halfway between where we lived and spend a weekend. After having spent close to 25 years in a monogamous relationship with one woman to be with someone else for what amounted to be lesbian sex, was pretty interesting indeed. What was even more so, was dealing with someone who actually thought of me more of a woman than as a male!

She never, even in all the previous phone calls ever called me by my male gender name only by Jenelle. She was also surprised, since she came from a very small town, how the reaction was to us was in public. It was as if no one noticed or at least seemed to care; just two girls in a restaurant for example, no one paying any undo attention to me or to us as a couple. She was thrilled to see that and it was totally unexpected she said when she left her hometown.

She was a huge influence on me. This was the very first time I had ever given thought to be a full-time woman and wondering how it would be. Granted, she saw me s as a cross dresser but as a “full time cross dresser” if there is such a thing. In other words, someone who dressed but would never take hormones. Once I started talking about taking hormones one night, I could sense a change in our relationship even though she always told me to be myself which of course I appreciated and did but how it must have hurt her.

The next really big change that followed was when I was working with a recruiting agency up to this point as a male but now as a woman for work and they asked what legal feminine name I was going to work under. I hadn’t thought of that! Right off the top of my head I thought of the name I had been using for my web site and dressed, Jenelle Rose. For the last name I hesitated a second and then realized how important and rich the family heritage is to keep a family’s surname so I decided to keep it.

After many problems, delays and then spelling errors made, I FINALLY had a social security card with my new legal feminine name on it and it was mine! A lot of documents had to be changed over but when it was finished, it was worth it!

By this time, it was nearing August. I had scheduled some appointments earlier and it was time to keep those. I was looking for a new house; I had begun Electrolysis and in September saw an Endocrinologist to begin taking female hormones which I began on 9/3/2003. I also had agreed to take over as producer of a film festival and I was to have the first of several surgeries done on August 18th, starting with my face-nose, eyes, a little around the mouth (dumb and worthless) and finally cheek implants (problematic!). A month later I got my first new driver’s license with my new name on it because of this and my new address because I found a house I liked!

Once I had this new place I had to move my things. Even though I had 3 professional movers and their big truck, they didn’t get it all. I have lots of stuff; the PC business and lots of other entrepreneurial business’s, hobbies and being a musician, well you get the idea, I still loaded a van back and forth most of the remainder of the year and there is still more over there I haven’t brought over yet, fortunately small stuff at this point!

On October 7, I had the second phase of surgeries done-Liposuction and lower face lift, both a total waste of money which would have been better spent on SRS! In addition to all of this activity, I was called upon for jury duty and I was going to mediation counseling with my wife at the time in preparation for divorce which was scheduled for the middle of December! What a year and was just 2003!

1/4/2004 Jenelle Rose website is officially ranked in the top 675,000 of ALL internet sites on the web

3/25/2006: This Jenelle Rose website is number one in it's category and among similar sites. It is in the top 92,000 of all Internet sites and has over 1000 links pointing to it and it's link popularity is over 92,000! Having said that, this site continues to function without advertising, though I always appreciate your donations. Thank you!

Facial feminization:

“Tweaking” around eyes (lids=Biepharoplasty) and lips (outer, a lift), nose (four or five items) smoothed and narrowed on top and bottom, bottom angle changed (?), overall made smaller (nasal septal reconstruction), and cheek implants (maylar implants).

5/11/2005: I just started to exercise again but I still have a problem with eating too much! The hormones through body fat re-distribution take care of the waist, hips and buttocks. My waist is above my naval and I have a female form. Liposuction has not worked to my benefit with all the surgeries I have had to correct the cheek implant. I have been unable to do as much as I'd like and so have remained bigger than I want to be around the middle.

Other setbacks* While at the dentist December 13th, I asked if maybe I had a cavity or some gum problem on the left side of my mouth due to discomfort in the area. The dentist took a look and discovered that he could SEE my right cheek implant! It had worked it's way down and was exposed because the sutures didn't hold the muscle. The pain on the left was just from the surgery on my gum to get the left cheek implant in place. Suggesting I call my surgeon right away, I stopped in to see the doctor who agreed that I needed immediate attention. Having surgery 12/15, re-working that right side to fix the problem, taking out the implant, sterilizing it and then r-inserting, suturing up once again, this time with just local anesthesia. The other problem I have had is a shooting pain up my left side from the lipo. As of May, I still have a little numbness in both sides and sometimes pain is still felt. I have started ultrasound treatments for my neck area to re-connect the nerves to my ears which continue to be a slight problem.

The facial surgeries did help me quite a bit, in conjunction with hormones to become more feminine! More below.

Hormone Log

I started female hormones (Estrodiol in the form of a transdermal patch) in September, 2003, doubling the dosage in January under a doctor's care and as of 6/24/04, take Spironolactone, an anti-androgen/testosterone blocker. That reduces my facial oil production, feminizes my head hair, making it both thicker and softer while also reducing, if not eliminating, most of the body hair. It makes things happen just a little bit faster and more efficiently. The dosage is currently at 100mg. The results of a blood test taken in early August showed my hormone levels at 112 Estrogen and 33 Testosterone. I no longer ejaculate but the orgasms are good and I still masturbate.

When I started hormones and before surgery, I might have looked "okay" but I did not pass'

Sexually, my appetite is still strong but maybe a wee bit lighter than it was as a male. I am certainly not always thinking about sex and I may have to be turned on at times but I certainly do get horny and like looking at girls/women. Functionally however I do need help these days in the form of Viagra which I don't mind. I can still be as functional as any male, if that is what my partner wants. My road to happiness however is to that of a complete woman. I understand that their are issues post-op. I also know that 40% of GG's have sexual issues sexually but science is working on a purple pill for them as well. I'm hoping that by the time I have surgery that there is an answer for me but honestly I am not worried about it anyway, I will be happy regardless.

11/2005

Turns out the Viagra was not necessary. I just needed to find my rhythm or something. I am a morning person and once I discovered that I didn't need them any longer and once that was discovered, it turned out that a lot of it was in my head anyway. I could do it at night as well without any help. I think I was putting pressure on myself.

In terms of hormones the doctor added another to the mix. My breast growth had stopped for the last 6 months and everything else was in order so he prescribed a progesterone. I was to take a synthetic 10 Mg, once a day, preferably with food to help it absorb (or maybe I read that somewhere). Within 6 weeks of taking this, I thought my breasts had started growing again. I measured a difference of a 1/4 inch. In another month another 1/4 inch. I am really not so sure however because once I read a total of a 3/4 inch change and then no change at all from what I was before I started taking them. Conclusion? It is very hard to measure breast size accurately! I'll get back to you.

Note that my voice passes 100% of the time now whereas last year or a year a half ago I was still getting lots of sirs or Mr. on the phone and elsewhere. I myself pass about 30% to 40% of the time. That is not to say I am not accepted or treated as a woman, I am wherever I go.

Had blood work done and it showed these results: Testosterone 33 (normal female 30-60) and Estrodiol at 99 both normal female levels. Their were other tests done for HDL, LDL, etc but nothing to do with feminization.