From: Barbara Allen <barbnaw@excite.com>

To: Vanities@shee.net

Subject: Transitioning In The Workplace  

12/12/2000

I initially contacted my CEO by anonymous e-mail and questioned about the

company's stance and my protection under our DIVERSITY Program.  I received positive feedback and so I continued to pursue it.  It was time for me to do this.  I just needed some assurances that there would be no negative job actions or reactions from company management.

My next step was a mtg downtown with the corporate VP of Human Resources and a company Lawyer.  That occured last Thursday.  That is when they found out who I was and where I worked as an employee.  The mtg. went well and I felt an accepting attitude.  That mtg. resulted in an agreed upon notification to my site HR Representative and then kicked off notifications to my Site VP, and a host of others.  I met with the site HR Representative on Friday morning and then again on Friday evening before leaving to go home.  There has been a great deal of discussion about me and my transition plan.  I am definitly OUT and there is no going back in.  I was also told that there had already been some rumors about me and three "sightings" outside of work.  I expected as much.

I had another discussion with my local HR representative Monday morning.

Things seem to be going well.  He is keeping me appraised of their

discussions and the general thought process currently in play.  No decisions

have been made yet.  He tells me that they are concerned about the restroom

issue and want me to consider limiting my use to the one on the floor of the

building where I am located and would like to have me find and be

accompanied by a supportive female coworker.  That way I won't walk in on

someone who objects and also would have a witness to discourage

confrontational conflicts or complaints.  I asked if I could use the women's

restrooms at our other building if I needed to be there for mtgs. or work.

We both agreed that I could probably find a supportive woman coworker to go

with me in those buildings.  I had to be "escorted" but I kinda enjoy being

able to go to the restroom in the company of a friend.  They also asked me

if I would use the ladies toilet facilities "as a lady or as a man".  I guess that means standing up or sitting down.  I told them, "Of course I will use it as a lady!"  That's how I use the men's toilet now! 

They are concerned about my use of the company fitness center.  The locker

rooms are more open and the dressing area is not private.  They say that I

can continue to use the center, but wish to me to not use the woman's locker

room to dress, shower, etc. when I start my transition here.  They are going

to look at possibly reconfiguring the locker rooms to add a private dressing

area.  Sounds GREAT to me.

Their initial direction is to NOT put out a general notification letter

They think it might be more advisable to do it by discussion mtgs. by small

groups/departments.  They are concerned that a company letter may be

considered too supportive and showing approval or enabling  by people on

site with moral objections.  There was a lot of discussion about timing of

the notifications.  I told them that I was very flexible, but that the

holidays and vacation time was fast coming and that would put pressure on

expediting the notification while people are still here and available.  They

are all concerned about coordinating their notifications with any personal

notifications that I may want to make.  I told them that I would certainly

wait and coordinate everything with them.  I am very flexible.  They asked

if I was open to discussing it with people while I was still working here as

Bob, if the notifications start before I leave for my Christmas and New

Years' vacation.  I told them that I had no objections.  It was not how I

looked or was dressed, it was how I felt that I needed to live my life. 

They asked about how I would respond to any remarks that anybody could wear women's clothes just to get into the women's restroom.  We did talk about being able to provide them a letter or discussions with my Therapist.  I

mentioned to them that I had a few other friends that were transitioning at

other companies and that they could probably contact and talk to their

respective Human Resources personnel at those locations.  I provided them

with company names and contacts, but no TG names.

Overall, they were taken by surprise and have no experience with this.  I

have a mtg. scheduled with my site VP today (Tuesday) at 11:00.  I expect to

then talk to my immediate Supervisor, but I have been told that he now knows and has been involved some of the discussions already. 

They are still concerned with my acceptance by people on site.  They think

that I am being too optimistic.  I didn't think that I was.  I have to be

optimistic!  I do expect some opposition.   However, overall my experience

outside of work and the experience of some others at work has been good.  I

know that some people will just plain refuse to communicate with me and some may even become objectionable and confrontational.  However, most people here are very professional and work will just go on as usual.

We are still talking about starting my transition here on January 2nd, the

first day back from the holidays.  That's a good thing.

Updates:

12/19/2000

I'll certainly try to keep you and everyone informed of my TRANSITION

progress.  I'm hoping that everything will become commonplace and

distraction will be kept down to a minimum.  So far, everything is going

fine.  EVERYONE at the plant (700+ people) have been told and I have had no

negative comments or actions.  I've been so gratified by the numbers of my

friends and coworkers who have come to me and indicated their understanding, support and their continued friendship. I am so proud of them. 

There has been one small bump which I should have anticipated.  I meant to

take down my web site upon announcing my coming out.  Another friend who did her transition told me how people at work started accessing her web site,

downloading her posted pics and transmitting them around the site.  All on

company time and equipment.  It makes for a workplace distraction, irritates

Management and causes some to withdraw their support because of the possible picture content. 

Well, that happened to me.  I forgot to deactivate my web site and of course

someone found it and pictures of me from my "naughty but nice" page started to appear.  None of them are any worse than what you would find in a

VICTORIA'S SECRET catalogue or in a lingerie advertisement in the

newspaper, but still not what you want showing up or posted throughout the

plant.  Needless to say, I've scrambled the code and attempted to remove

access from my web site.  I don't intend for it to be permanent.  Does

anyone know how to copy those files so that I don't just end up deleting

them.  I'd hate to lose all that work.

As far as believing that you will never transition, I certainly felt that

way myself.  I remember specifically when I turned 45 thinking that my time

was gone and that it would never happen.  In spite of the need and desire

that I felt, I thought that I was too old, could never pass and that all I

would ever get from transition would be heartache and loneliness.  I felt it

again when I turned 50.  However things changed.  I didn't initiate it, but

once the opportunities became clear and I finally came to the realization

that I could pass and that people appreciated me for what I was and not how

I looked, I finally seized the opportunity.  This realization took a long,

long time.  It took a lot of self questioning and a LOT of support and

friendship. 

Love,

Barbara Allen

http://www.geocities.com/westhollywood/heights/4461