Gender switch teaches empathy
JOANNE YOUNG / Lincoln Journal Star
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| ROBERT
BECKER/Lincoln Journal Star Leann Wiese (left) gives Adrian Warrior some tips on applying lipstick in a gender and communications class Wednesday at Nebraska Wesleyan University. Male and female students traded places -- or at least stereotypes -- for the day in an effort to understand each gender's socialization pressures, said instructor Rachel Pokora. |
Lesson Two: Women, slouch when you sit and dangle one arm. Don't cross your legs. And don't ask the men how they feel about wearing dresses and panty hose.
The best way to learn something is to do it, and the lessons came fast and hard Wednesday in Rachel Pokora's gender and communications class at Nebraska Wesleyan University.
Twenty-five students learned how it feels to walk a mile in the opposite sex's shoes -- literally -- during a gender switch that included not only clothing but social skills, food and body functions.
"We are talking about stereotypes here, and we're not trying to reinforce them," Pokora said. "But we're trying to understand the types of socialization pressures both genders are under."
The men wore dresses, pantyhose and heels and carried a purse. They applied foundation, powder, eyeliner, shadow and mascara -- and plucked one eyebrow hair. And all day they acted polite, smiled and nodded during conversations.
In seven hours they discussed emotions at least three times and had a 10-minute phone conversation (not with a significant other). They ate salads for lunch and thought about fat grams, calories and exercise.
The women wore shirts, pants, ties, boxers (with nothing underneath), men's shoes -- and no makeup. They got ready for the day in only 15 minutes and went without perfume and flowery or fruity soaps. They washed their hair, used gel or mousse only and no curlers. No fingernail polish, no discussion of emotions, no smiling or unnecessary talking.
They ordered supersized meals with dessert. They made audible body noises without excuse.
They took up space, fought for status and offered advice.
The class explores how the different genders and their cultures interact through communication. Pokora's students often take on projects outside the classroom. One semester they started the ball rolling on changing the Wesleyan mascot from the Plainsmen to the Prairie Wolves. In another they studied sexual harassment in Nebraska schools and started an awareness campaign.
This semester the students persuaded their professor to allow the gender switch experience in lieu of a test.
It would be something they would remember forever, she determined, and decided to join them.
By 9 a.m. Wednesday she was feeling uncomfortable with no makeup and flat hair.
By showering the night before she sliced her usual 90 minutes to get ready to less than 15.
"It was like I didn't know what to do with myself," she said.
The navy Dockers, she found, were big in the waist and tight in the butt. She felt naked without her earrings and rings.
When class started at 10, though, it was the men who had undergone the most trauma.
John Thompson, wearing a gold-sequined sheath, had an earlier class and forgot his purse on the way out.
Erik Hjermstad, wearing a denim jumper, walked in to Pokora's class after the bell.
"I'm sorry I'm late, but I've got these shoes on and it takes so long to walk in them," he fretted.
For 20 minutes, the women helped the men apply makeup. Pokora walked around plucking an eyebrow hair from each man.
Adrian Warrior, in his blue and white two-piece dress and blue flats, worried his makeup was not blended well at the jaw line. He had to be reminded frequently to smile.
"I want to lick my lips, but I can't. I don't want to ruin my lipstick," he said.
Before they ventured out, walking instructions were delivered.
"Very relaxed. Not a lot of swinging. Walk like you don't care about anything," David Joekel told the women.
And no hair flipping.
On campus, Thompson and Warrior passed sophomore Matt Connot.
"I noticed them right away," he said. "That one guy doesn't fit in that dress too well."
Around 3, several students met in the student center to discuss the day.
Junior Kara Lineweber, dressed in a suit, said that without makeup she felt "so exposed." The tie felt like a noose around her neck.
Senior Anthony Skalka, whose mother had picked out his simple black knit dress but couldn't find a pair of women's shoes to fit his size 15 feet, said he got some pretty odd looks from guys.
"This was one of those odd experiences, fun for pictures and memories ... but uncomfortable in some ways," he said.
He hadn't visited the bathroom all day, he said, worried he would never get out.
And he felt cold all day without his usual jeans and sweat shirt. The wind blew up his dress.
"I have the deepest respect now for women,"he said.
Senior Amanda Vilim had trouble finishing her supersized lunch and problems allowing herself to belch. "I just can't get the noise," she said.
The boxers were too loose and the tie too restricting, she added.
"I had a really hard time trying not to show my emotions," she said. "By not smiling back I feel horrible, feel lifeless, not myself."
Sarah Hellbusch found it hard to sprawl out in the booth at lunch. She had to constantly force herself to take up space. And the only way to not smile was to avoid people.
"If guys don't smile I see why they're depressed. It causes them to internalize everything," she said.
Aaron Duncan said the experience didn't offer the right lessons.
"I learned what it was like to be a cross dresser, not what it felt like to be a woman," he said.
He did learn more patience, though, for women. He knows now why it takes so long to get ready.
"I'll alter my expectations and try not to make a girl walk too far in heels," he said.
As a finale, the students will write two-page papers on the experience.
"I'm hoping this was an exercise in empathy," Pokora said. "If they understand the pressures people feel from other genders, the experience will have been successful."
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