For A Change
Successful social change
is a painfully slow process that can be accelerated by everyone in the TG
community always setting a good example. Conversely, progress can be reversed by
only a few bad examples. Never let your guard down, be sincere with others, take
opportunities to do outreach without offending people, accept who you are before
seeking acceptance of others, and encourage others in the community to express
their feelings in positive ways.
Each of us is at a
different point on the "Transgendered spectrum". Each has made a personal decision about how far on that
spectrum they to journey-i.e. CD, TV, TG, or TS. When we learn to accept other
Transgendered persons for who they are, then we will grow to become a much more
unified Transgendered community. When
we reach that point, the community will achieve far greater results in terms of
changing "public perception" and the discriminations we face every
day.
To that end, help people, whether it is by education as a web site or one on one. Whether you are pacifist, activist, TG or straight, do your part and do whatever it takes to serve the community.
~Jenelle
MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS
It was the best of times. I recently went on a trip to St. Louis where I had the great
opportunity to do one of my favorite things.
I love to crossdress. I also
love to feel like a woman and enjoy the pursuits that any woman might enjoy.
My trip consisted of 3 nights & 2 days.
I was able to dress a great portion of that time.
Hopefully those of you who read this will find it entertaining & for
those of you who are also Transgendered it will give you encouragement to enjoy
& participate in this kind of adventure as well.
First I think I should tell you a little about myself & a few
things about my preparation for my trip. I
am in my 40s & am a happily married heterosexual male but with strong
feelings to express the woman inside. No one knows about my crossdressing. I feel a great responsibility to care for my family
& I do not feel that telling them would be in their best interest even
though it might be in mine. I am 5 ft. 9 inches tall & I weigh 128 lbs.
My measurements when crossdressed are 36C-27-36.
The woman inside is named Lydia Arlene.
I wear a size 8 dress & size 10 in high heels.
I began preparing for this trip about 2 months prior to my
departure. I needed to do a lot of
shopping as I had very little clothing or other items since I do not get to
dress very often. I also needed to
purchase makeup. I found a website listing a Merle Norman consultant in my
area so I decided to call & talk to her on the phone.
She was very nice & encouraging to me.
I spoke to her twice before deciding to go & meet her face to face.
At first this was very frightening but I wanted to do it so much that I
was able to overcome my fear. I
went in early one morning & we met. She
was very nice & put me at ease. Several
customers came into the store while I was there.
I was dressed in boy clothes so I am sure they were curious what I was
doing in a cosmetic store. We
finally got about 30 minutes without any interruptions to talk.
She told me about the different kinds of makeup & let me try some eye
cream & some facial moisturizer as well as some hand lotion. We had a very nice visit but unfortunately the price was much
higher than what I had budgeted so I had to give up the idea. She agreed to give me a makeover if I wanted but I thought it
unfair to make her do that & then not make any purchases.
I decided later because of lack of time that it would be best to buy the
makeup during the trip while out of town. It
would be easier on my nerves to do that as well.
I purchased 3 dresses (all on sale) and an equal number of matching high
heels. I also bought my first
purse. I don't know why but for
some reason buying a purse gave me a greater degree of pleasure than I have
every felt from any purchases before including lingerie.
I guess a purse may represent to me that last great step to becoming a
real woman. I also purchased
perfume which I was really looking forward to trying.
I bought a wig, my second one, but this one was the same color as my
natural hair color. I bought some jewelry to wear, rings, bracelets & a
necklace.
Finally the day came to leave on my trip.
I got very little sleep the nights before just thinking about all the fun
I was going to have. I made my
final purchases of makeup & some lingerie including a pink nightie while
traveling to St. Louis. I arrived
at my hotel around 9pm & when I got to my room I began the task of shaving.
I like to shave all the hair from all portions of my body as I derive
great pleasure in feeling silky & smooth.
This took quite awhile but unfortunately is a necessary evil.
I do enjoy shaving my legs however since it makes
me feel more like a woman while doing it. I
get to stretch & position my legs just like a woman & that is a very
sexy feeling.
Next I put nail polish on my toes & my fingers.
Later I planned to use glue-on nails but the first night I wanted to have
just my natural nails which I had been growing longer for the trip.
Finally I got to the next stage which is my
favorite. I began applying makeup.
I have only gotten to do this maybe half a dozen times previously & I
wanted to do it at least that many times on this trip just to get more practice
& maybe to improve my technique of application.
I had purchased a set of makeup brushes for the first time & it was a
lot of fun using them & I think my makeup looked much better as a result.
I know I was very pleased with the look of the blush.
Before I was never quite satisfied with blush. I tried some false eyelashes this time just for fun.
They looked pretty good but I not sure I will use them again.
Finally I got to my favorite part. Lipstick.
I got to experiment a lot this trip with lipstick & I loved it.
After finished the makeup I began to get dressed & put on my wig
& brush it to get the best look. Finally
Lydia was ready.
I have never actually gone out before except walking down a hotel
hallway twice on a previous trip & no one saw me. This time I went to get ice & soft drinks several times.
It was really great fun.
There was a mall attached to the hotel & I
thought about going to a nail salon there to get my nails done.
I could not quite muster the courage to attempt that. Maybe next trip. I
was able to dress that first night & the following afternoon from about 1pm
until well after midnight. I was
able to practice putting on makeup many times & I think I am showing great
improvement.
On my last night I was traveling back & since it was very late I
stopped & stayed that night at a motel.
Again I got dressed up & was determined to leave my room for an
adventure. For some this may seem
like a trivial adventure but for me it was monumental.
The motel had exterior corridors & I was on the second floor.
I had to walk past about 5 rooms, cross a walkway leading to another
building & then precede down a flight of stairs.
I then had to make my way past the motel office & out into the
parking lot to my car which was parked at the furthest distance away.
I was very nervous & scared someone would see me but at the same time
I was actually hoping that someone would.
It was very late & I did not encounter anyone.
I got in my car with the intention of driving around for a while &
then returning. After sitting in my
car for about 15 minutes & since it was 3am I decided it was probably not
very safe for a lady to be out alone. I
again made my way back to my room. That
was the most exciting walk I have ever made.
It was delightful feeling my hose swish back & forth, to feel my
dress being slightly blown by the gentle breeze.
Hearing my high heels click on the sidewalk was awesome.
I was wearing long red acrylic glue on nails & I felt extremely
feminine during that walk.
I had my purse on my arm. It was too exciting for words to truly express my feelings
& thoughts.
During this trip I got to visit a Hooter's Restaurant for the
first time & that was also very wonderful.
I had a gorgeous waitress & she was very attentive. I will always have many wonderful memories of this trip. I hope that this story will encourage others to express their
feminine sides & will afford them an equal amount of pleasure.
I hope everyone enjoys my adventure in St. Louis.
First Time "En Femme" in Public
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. (Apologies to CD, pun intended) Up until a few short years ago, being en femme was always done in private. Once, in my twenties, I did dare to step outside my house, through the back door, into the cool of the evening. But no one saw me. It did not count….
As I got older, I had to travel a little, for 4 or 5 days at a time. I started taking some things with me to enjoy the quiet evenings in my room. But, I was still alone. Once, I dared to step out of my room and take about twenty steps down an empty walkway. Unfortunately another human being, a man, walked around the corner, not more than ten feet away. I went into an immediate panic, turned and rushed back to my still open door, entered and slammed the door shut. I locked and chained the door. He saw me. I am sure he knew that I was a man in women's clothing. Would anyone at home find out? When my heart stopped pounding, I realized that I was ok, no one was at the door, and I was safe. A feeling of euphoria filled my being. Chrissy was no longer private. She had been seen. She was real. I resolved at that very moment to venture out and be seen, maybe even talked to by someone.
Just a few months later, I found myself in a motel, dressed and wanting very much to show myself to the world. My car was parked just in view. But, I was on the second floor. I would have to descend a flight of stairs, not knowing if anyone was below me on the first floor. I did it. No one was there. I walked very quickly to my car. When the door was unlocked (it seemed to take forever to get the key in the lock and turn it), I opened the door and got in. I sat there for only a few minutes. No one had seen me. And then, I saw the sign at the motel entrance welcoming the local law enforcement members to some kind of meeting. I thought every room but mine had a police officer in it and they were just waiting to catch me. I don't remember how I got back to my room, but I do know it took just a few fearful seconds. I was way too frightened to ever be so foolish again…..
Fortunately, the "urge" (you all know exactly what I am talking about) was too overwhelming. I had to go out. And, it had to be in public. And, I would not run away and hide this time. Was I really that brave (or stupid)?
Now I live just outside of our nation's capitol. I was on a short trip to the western Maryland area. I had remembered reading about a gay bar called Deer Park. This place was far enough away that nobody would know me. I would finally do it.
I choose to go to the bar in my male persona first. If everything looked safe, I could return to my room and change for my "first time out". I do not know what I expected when I entered the bar. A heavyset man, who was setting up a table at the doorway entrance, greeted me. He placed a cash box on the table and a chair next to it. I had arrived before a cover charge was necessary. There were only a few people in the bar. I sat down near the door on a barstool. I ordered a drink. Another man close to my age said hello. He told me he was traveling. It turned out that he was also a government employee who worked for a different department than me. I almost panicked. Not again, I said to myself. But I was determined this time. We would never see each other again. I stayed. A few minutes later, I managed to have enough courage to ask the man at the door if any transvestites ever came into the bar. He said that there were a few that came in, but usually later in the evening. He asked me if I was a transvestite. His manner was not threatening. I answered him with an honest, but quiet yes. We talked for several minutes more. I was very relaxed. As I finished my drink, I was wondering if I would have the courage to finally do it. I got up to leave and the man at the door said, "Come back dressed honey. You will have a good time. You will be safe". I smiled and thanked him. Maybe, I said as I left.
Back in my room, I decided "now or never". I changed quickly. Put on my makeup, wig and heels. It took only a few minutes. I was committed to do it, to finally go out as Chrissy. (It now takes me several hours to transform into Chrissy as you see me in the pictures. For my first time out, I must have looked like a real hag. It did not matter.) I opened my motel door and stepped out. No one was to be seen anywhere. My car was only a few feet away. I got in, started the engine, and drove off the lot. As I got to the first red light, a car pulled up alongside me. It was very dark. Nothing happened out of the ordinary. It would be all right. I drove the few miles to the bar and parked the car. No one was in the lot, but there were many more cars there than earlier in the evening. I sat in the car for 15 minutes checking my hair, looking at my makeup, just plain stalling. Finally, I said to myself, just do it. I opened the door, got out, and walked up to the entrance. I checked myself again, and opened the door. As I walked in, I was aware of many people in the place. I was not attracting any undue attention or jeers from anyone. The man at the door looked up at me. He stared for a few moments and then smiled and said, "I am glad you came back. Come on in. Enjoy yourself". I reached into my purse for the cover charge and he stopped me saying "You don't have to pay the cover charge honey. As far as I am concerned, it's ladies night". I was elated, my first time being treated like the lady I always knew I was. The rest of the evening went so quickly. I talked to just a few people. Everyone was so nice. I felt very comfortable. When I finally left, several hours later, the ride back to the motel was relaxed. I entered my room. My life would never be the same again.
I returned to that bar several times again, but it eventually closed.
I had to find another place to go. But, that is another story.
Enjoy life, I am.